Hacking the TSA: Exploiting my terrorist status to skip 45-minute lines

I did it. I gamed the system to skip the security line. And I will strike again. It took a big chunk of my dignity, but after...

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My friend was just added to the No Fly List

This one is serious. Everything here is serious, but I’m not even going to attempt to be irreverent. My friend tried to board a...

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TSA freaks out over my Starbucks coffee bomb

Idiocy reaches new levels as the TSA goes on Red Alert over my Starbucks mug. Someone, for the love of god, please tell me how I can...

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The time they refused to pack up my luggage

The time an agent refused to pack my luggage back up, and I went Alex Jones on her. Until the day the TSA gets destroyed in court,...

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I figured out why the TSA sets up “security audits” at the gate

When it hit me what they’re trying to do with their obnoxious “security audits” at the gate. The horribly pathetic...

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How I mess with airline staff at the gate for being TSA puppets

Something very strange happens at the gate about 75% of the time I fly. It is clearly related to being on The List. But I...

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Drama at the gate: What happens after security

After TSA scrutiny, there’s still have a couple of cruel jokes left for the jetsetting terrorist. One is the “approach...

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The thing I carry everywhere that drives the TSA crazy

This $100 item comes highly recommended if you’re trying to mess with the TSA. About six months ago I got this thing called...

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Counter-harrassing the TSA: My girlfriend got me a swtichblade-comb

My girlfriend gets me a comb disguised as a switchblade knife, the TSA hates it. I think it started when we watched the 80s classic...

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TSA agent tries to make up rules, I laugh at him, he runs away

TSA agent tries to tell me I can’t board a flight. I laugh at him. He scurries off like a little bitch. A consistent theme...

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Fighting sycophantic, TSA-loving liberals in line @ LAX

The scene: LAX security. The time: 30 minutes ago. This is fresh in my memory so I’m going to type this out as fast as I...

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What a terrorist’s airline ticket looks like

I’ve done a lot of talking about the “SSSS” on the boarding pass that denotes a traveler as a security threat, but...

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My shoes tested positive for explosives

To celebrate September 11th, another story about a convicted terrorist (me) flying on airplanes. Denver should know better....

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The TSA agent who likes the Beastie Boys

For the first time, I’m not going to make fun of the TSA. I’m going to celebrate them. Or one of them. (It won’t...

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Flying Internationally as a convicted terrorist: Part III

In part three of my “Globetrotting Jetsetting Terrorist TSA Follies” series, I return from Paris and find the TSA...

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