Counter-Harrassing The TSA: My Girlfriend Got Me A Swtichblade-Comb

Oct 9, 2014 by

Counter-Harrassing The TSA: My Girlfriend Got Me A Swtichblade-Comb

My girlfriend gets me a comb disguised as a switchblade knife, the TSA hates it.

I think it started when we watched the 80s classic Back to the Beach, and I decided Bobby -whose most memorable trait was frequently using a comb designed like a switchblade -was the coolest guy in the history of cinema.

It was a long distance relationship, and the next time I flew to see her, she had a present. This was it:

WEB-SwitchbladeComb[1]

I trust you’re already in agreement this is the coolest gift ever. And it came with an added benefit: It was guaranteed to ruffle the TSA. Looking good AND antagonizing the TSA… win-win.

When it was time to go home, she dropped me off at the airport at 6am. Despite getting almost no sleep, I was pretty charged up to introduce the TSA to my new, menacing toy.

In luggage-ransack-phase of my TSA screening, an agent pulls the switch-comb from my backpack, turns it over a few times, then turns to me,

“Sir, can I have you engage the device so I can confirm it’s not on our list of prohibited items?”

Let’s take a moment and bask in the genius of the TSA, in step-by-step glory:

  1. TSA finds a suspicious device in the luggage of a convicted terrorist.
  2. TSA gets concerned.
  3. TSA hands it to convicted terrorist.
  4. TSA asks convicted terrorist to demonstrate the suspicious device.

Because it’s impossible to achieve this level of comedy by accident, there is an obvious alternative: They know their job is a joke, that no one on The List is a threat to them or US airspace, and just fumble through their day entertaining themselves with fake “security protocols” to keep things interesting.

So in a dramatic, spring-loaded climax, I pushed the button and unleashed the comb. He stared at it for a second. I think he was actually impressed.

In conclusion

If having good hair is terrorism, then may my next flight be to Guantanamo.

 

 

 

 

-Jetsetting Terrorist

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9 Comments

  1. NelC

    Pomade, switch-combs; I think the Jet-Setting Terrorist is related to the Fun-Lovin’ Criminals.

  2. Jaz

    Switchblade sporks are even more amusing to get through security. Apparently they get categorised with switchblade combs because of the teeth of the fork resemble the teeth of a comb.

  3. Roger Davies

    Other knife like tools that seem to concern those who man security checkpoints: getkeysmart.com, http://www.brunton.com/products/power-knife

  4. ben

    you’re such a t-hair-orist.

    • The Jetsetting Terrorist

      Permission to start referring to myself as this regularly?

  5. Just found your blog after TechDirt linked to it- love it. It’s unfortunate you have to go through all this but I’m delighted you both take it with an admirable tongue-in-cheek attitude and blog about it so we can all be more informed.

    Keep fighting the good fight!

  6. Didn’t you knew? Every year, 1 or 2 people die by combing themselves to death. The TSA is absolutely RIGHT to be concerned about your and the passenger’s wellbeing!

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