Fighting sycophantic, TSA-loving liberals in line @ LAX
The scene: LAX security. The time: 30 minutes ago.
This is fresh in my memory so I’m going to type this out as fast as I can…
The only reason there is anything of story-value that comes out of my TSA encounters is that it’s different every time.
And it’s different every time because the TSA has no idea what they’re doing. Literally, they just make it up as they go. You know who else does that? Piranhas and slugs. They just make everything up as they go too.
That was the scene today when I was told to turn on my laptop, as per the new rules for jetsetting terrorists that went into effect this summer (In short: They won’t let you through security unless you can turn on your laptop and show it’s real. No kidding.)
I turned on my computer. This, naturally, brought up the password prompt. The TSA woman told me to enter my password. I told her no. She told me to enter my password again. I told her no.
“That’s not the rule and you know it. Get your boss.”
She left to confer, came back, closed my laptop, and pushed my bins toward the X-ray. Her silence was glorious.
“Don’t make up rules. The public hates you enough as it is.”
She walked away, indignant. This is the second time I’ve insulted them into taking flight. Bad pun, but anyway… They’re not supposed to leave me unattended.
That wasn’t even the fun part
As I waited, unattended, to go through the body scanner, a sweatered 30-something in front of me starts talking.
“Just… just let them do their jobs. They’re here for all of us.”
I held up my boarding pass, and showed him the “SSSS”.
“I get these every time I fly. I’m flagged because of my politics, and a misdemanor crime from years ago.”
He didn’t get it.
“I get the same thing,” he said. “I don’t agree with a lot of the terrorist, Patriot Act stuff and all that but just let them do their job.”
“Not putting up any resistance to this will pave the way to make it worse. If you knew why I was their List, you would know this isn’t about airline safety.”
I really wanted him to ask why I was on The List. Mostly because it’s hilarious.
“I get on their list sometimes too…”
(This guy really wasn’t getting it.)
“… and I don’t attack them or say what I’m thinking, I just let them do their job and go on my way.”
“No, you don’t get it.” I said. “They put me through this because I have a property crime conviction from years ago. If we let this kind of political profiling go un-confronted, that’s how it gets worse. It may be feeble, but it’s something.”
“I have the same politics as you. I don’t like unchecked government and all this stuff going on, but insulting someone isn’t the right way to make change.”
God this guy was dense. He still hadn’t asked what my “politics” were, or why I received rock star TSA treatment.
He went on and on about how liberal he was and how we were on the same team.
As I stood there, I looked at him, then at the TSA agents, and thought: Side-by-side, I have more contempt for a fake liberal in a sweater than the guy with the badge.