Hacking The TSA: Exploiting Terrorist Status To Skip 45-Minute Lines

Jan 28, 2016 by

I did it. I gamed the system to skip the security line. And I will strike again. It took a big chunk of my dignity, but after...

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My Friend Was Just Added To The “No-Fly” List

Dec 20, 2015 by

This one is serious. Everything here is serious, but I’m not even going to attempt to be irreverent. My friend tried to board a...

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TSA Freaks Out Over My Starbucks Coffee Bomb

Dec 1, 2014 by

Idiocy reaches new levels as the TSA goes on Red Alert over my Starbucks mug. Someone, for the love of God, please tell me how I can...

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I Figured Out Why The TSA Sets Up “Security Audits” At The Gate

Nov 15, 2014 by

When it hit me what they’re trying to do with their obnoxious “security audits” at the gate. The horribly pathetic...

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How I Mess With Airline Staff At The Gate For Being TSA Puppets

Nov 8, 2014 by

Something very strange happens at the gate about 75% of the time I fly. It is clearly related to being on The List. But I...

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Drama At The Gate: What Happens After Security

Nov 3, 2014 by

After TSA scrutiny, they still have a couple of cruel jokes left for the jetsetting terrorist. One is the “approach the gate...

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The Thing I Carry Everywhere That Drives The TSA Crazy

Oct 9, 2014 by

This $100 item comes highly recommended if you’re trying to mess with the TSA. About six months ago I got this thing called...

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Counter-Harrassing The TSA: My Girlfriend Got Me A Swtichblade-Comb

Oct 9, 2014 by

My girlfriend gets me a comb disguised as a switchblade knife, the TSA hates it. I think it started when we watched the 80s classic...

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TSA Agent Tries To Make Up Rules, I Laugh At Him, He Runs Away

Oct 9, 2014 by

TSA agent tries to tell me I can’t board a flight. I laugh at him. He scurries off like a little bitch. A consistent theme...

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Fighting Sycophantic, TSA-loving Liberals In Line @ LAX

Oct 2, 2014 by

Scribbled hastily at the gate, 2014 The scene: LAX security. The time: 30 minutes ago. This is fresh in my memory so I’m going...

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What A Terrorist’s Airline Ticket Looks Like

Sep 18, 2014 by

It all starts with the boarding pass, and four ominous letters in the corner: “SSSS.” Translation: “security threat.” And from there,...

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My Shoes Tested Positive For Explosives

Sep 11, 2014 by

Denver should know better. They’re like the 5th busiest airport in the US or something. So why did they swab my shoes?...

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The TSA Agent Who Likes The Beastie Boys

Sep 10, 2014 by

For the first time, I’m not going to make fun of the TSA. I’m going to celebrate them. Or one of them. (It won’t...

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Flying Internationally As A Convicted Terrorist: Part III

Sep 8, 2014 by

In part three of my “Globetrotting Jetsetting Terrorist TSA Follies” series, I return from Paris and find the TSA...

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Flying Internationally As A Convicted Terrorist, Part II

Sep 4, 2014 by

International travel on The List, the return trip. Iceland customs was very laid back, and 10 days later I made the return trip....

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