Counter-Harrassing The TSA: My Girlfriend Got Me A Swtichblade-Comb

Oct 9, 2014 by

My girlfriend gets me a comb disguised as a switchblade knife, the TSA hates it. I think it started when we watched the 80s classic...

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TSA Agent Tries To Make Up Rules, I Laugh At Him, He Runs Away

Oct 9, 2014 by

TSA agent tries to tell me I can’t board a flight. I laugh at him. He scurries off like a little bitch. A consistent theme...

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Fighting Sycophantic, TSA-loving Liberals In Line @ LAX

Oct 2, 2014 by

Scribbled hastily at the gate, 2014 The scene: LAX security. The time: 30 minutes ago. This is fresh in my memory so I’m going...

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What A Terrorist’s Airline Ticket Looks Like

Sep 18, 2014 by

It all starts with the boarding pass, and four ominous letters in the corner: “SSSS.” Translation: “security threat.” And from there,...

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My Shoes Tested Positive For Explosives

Sep 11, 2014 by

Denver should know better. They’re like the 5th busiest airport in the US or something. So why did they swab my shoes?...

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The TSA Agent Who Likes The Beastie Boys

Sep 10, 2014 by

For the first time, I’m not going to make fun of the TSA. I’m going to celebrate them. Or one of them. (It won’t...

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Flying Internationally As A Convicted Terrorist: Part III

Sep 8, 2014 by

In part three of my “Globetrotting Jetsetting Terrorist TSA Follies” series, I return from Paris and find the TSA...

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Flying Internationally As A Convicted Terrorist, Part II

Sep 4, 2014 by

International travel on The List, the return trip. Iceland customs was very laid back, and 10 days later I made the return trip....

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Being A Terrorist And Flying Into LAX The Day Of The Shooting

Sep 2, 2014 by

If you wanted to tell me something about how I chose the single worst day in US history to be a terrorist and fly into LAX, thanks...

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Flying Internationally As A Convicted Terrorist, Part I

Aug 28, 2014 by

This was it: My first international flight while on The List. This was going to be good. Before buying my ticket, my first move was...

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The TSA Agent Who Knew My Name Before I Told Her

Aug 20, 2014 by

A few flights ago, a TSA agent told me something interesting: “In the future, go to the front of the line and tell them...

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How The Airlines And The TSA Snitch On Each Other

Aug 13, 2014 by

The airlines hate the TSA. And the TSA has disdain for the airlines. And the only way you’d really see both sides is to be a...

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Flying Out Of A Small Town Airport: Aka The TSA Goes Bananas

Aug 5, 2014 by

I encourage all jetsetting terrorists to fly out of a small town airport as often as possible. And get to the airport reeeeally...

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“This Passenger Cannot Be Assigned To An Exit Row”

Jul 20, 2014 by

Learning that jetsetting terrorists aren’t allowed to sit in exit rows. Today I purchased a ticket from my hometown airport to...

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The TSA Just Sold-Out The FBI And Told Me A Huge Secret

Jul 13, 2014 by

How I learned why they really disappear into a back room with my ID for 20 minutes. Two months ago I was flying out of Atlanta on a...

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