The thing I carry everywhere that drives the TSA crazy
This $100 item comes highly recommended if you’re trying to mess with the TSA.
About six months ago I got this thing called DefenderPad. It’s a flat piece of plastic material that sits under your laptop and is supposed to shield you from radiation.
The TSA hates it.
It approximates the length and width of my usual carry on bag. Because it presumably blocks their X-ray machine, it gives the appearance that I’m traveling with some sort of lead-lined suitcase. They can’t stand that.
They already know I’m a terrorist and am obviously traveling to engage in terrorist activity. They’re not sure exactly what act of terrorism is furthered by this small plastic pad, but they know it’s a terrorism implement and freak out accordingly.
They’ve only overtly confronted me about it once. It went like this:
“Sir, what is this?” He held up the DefenderPad.
“It’s for my laptop.”
He stared at me, confused. Then put it down and kept searching.
The rest of the time, they gather around it like natives seeing their first Coke bottle. They turn it over, whisper to themselves, hold it up to the light, and stare at it in suspicious awe. All the while, I presume they are running it through their mental Rolodex of terrorism devices gleaned from the six hour training that preceded the first day of their undeputized position as paid clowns. Coming up blank, they put it down and move on.
I don’t know what kind of material the DefenderPad is made of, but I’ll pay $1,000 if anyone can make me a suit out of it.