[Video] US Airways Gets Their Revenge, Part One

Sep 30, 2017 by

[Video] US Airways Gets Their Revenge, Part One

After my video of US Airways gets 100k views, I book another flight with them. This is what they did to me.

It was my first flight with US Airways after my video of me basically telling them how stupid they were went low-key viral.

That incident was two months prior, and it hadn’t occurred to me I was on hostile turf until we’re at the kiosk and my girlfriend says:

“Isn’t US Airways the airline you filmed in that video?”

I hadn’t considered that.

Same airline. Same airport. This will be fun…

Desperate to be something more than a one-hit-wonder, I pulled out my cell and let the camera run…

Here’s the full tally

  • Employee taunting.
  • Police called.
  • Missed flight.
  • Vengeful delays that had nothing to do with the TSA.

Check, check, check, and check.

And like all half-baked sequels, it even features a cameo from the last video’s star: Alecia Garcia.

You know how they say you never meet a hater who is doing better than you?

A customer service automaton can never make you as miserable as she already is.

All your suspicions will now be alleviated

In case you suspected all this talk about TSA delays and bizarre behavior from airline employees was somehow embellished, this 5-minute video transcribed below captures all the key elements of a typical experience for the jetsetting terrorist.

  • Kiosk that won’t print boarding pass, directing passenger to the desk.
  • Employees who ignore you for long periods.
  • Me yelling at them.
  • No one getting their story straight (one employee going off script & admitting the delay is TSA related, another covering for TSA and crediting the delay to the absence of my middle name on flight itinerary).
  • Me lying and pretending like this is the first (or second) time this has ever happened.
  • Being told to go away and sit down somewhere / me complying like a sheep.
  • Zero apologies or shame from employees after a three-hour delay and missed flight.

Filming these clowns: Citizen journalism, or joining the surveillance state?

Good thing about “progressive” politics or whatever is the deep toolbox of loopholes available to excuse any level of hypocrisy, which I’m happy to draw from when convenient.

While I’m firmly against the surveillance matrix, I was openly wielding my camera as a weapon of intimidation and incrimination. If I wanted to assuage my conscience I had a couple options…

One, the general “using the master’s tools to dismantle the master’s house” thing. Which is fairly tired at this point, but I could skirt by on it.

Or the “punching up vs. punching down” thing, where anything is excused if the person you’re targeting makes more money than you.

Except that wouldn’t work either.

Okay look, I was better at hypocrisy gymnastics when I was 19. Moving on…

Introducing a new level of depravity

I tell you airline staff lack humanity. I tell you they hold all of us (whether on the TSA list or not) in such disdain we’re viewed as sub-trash. I tell you they mock us on a level previously known only to the ugly duckling in that ugly duckling story.

And you didn’t believe me.

So if you have internet access, I direct you to time stamp 02:42 of my You-
Tube classic “US Airways has customer on TSA terrorist list wait 3 hours, films him” (see the Jetsetting Terrorist channel). At exactly this exact point, employees emerge, film us with their phones, and grin like crazed, maniacal banshees.

The culture of hubris in modern airlines has never been so perfectly captured as what unfolds in those 10 seconds.

A challenge: name a single public-facing industry that, in your most exotic fantasies, you can imagine openly mocking customers – while knowing they were on film.

What’s that quote? “Be most afraid of power when it stops its hiding it’s abuses”? Something like that.

Be afraid when they know we know – and don’t care.

A challenge to humanity

Considering how totally boring my last US Airways video was while still generating 100,000 views in a week, a deep defect in humanity will be revealed if this one doesn’t get at least 300,000. This one is less boring.

The video is much cooler than the transcript. I would seriously skip this transcript, but if you must, here it is:

Video Transcript

<Opening scene: Message on US Airways kiosk reading: “We cannot print your boarding pass”>

Terrorist: Okay, it’s round two with U.S. Airways. About two minutes later. And let the record show that I attempted to check in at the kiosk at about 8:25. And it’s now 8:40, we’re still standing here. And last time this didn’t go well. So let’s see how this goes.

<Cut to US Airways woman at desk>

Terrorist: No one has communicated unless we provoke the conversation. We’re sitting here like we don’t exist.

US Airways: Okay.

Terrorist: So what is going on? Communicate with me.

US Airways: She’s on hold. We can’t check you in until she’s off the phone.

Terrorist: What did I do?

US Airways: Right. We can’t check you in, sir.

Terrorist: Why?

US Airways: That’s why.

Terrorist: That’s not an answer.

US Airways: Because it’s your last name. You’re on a list and you’re gonna…

Terrorist: Because of my last name?

US Airways: Yes

Terrorist: Who put me on the list?

US Airways: I didn’t do it. You did. Because of your last name.

Terrorist: I put me on the list?

US Airways: Well you’re parents or whoever did, it’s your last name. That’s it. So every time you travel on an airline you do need to be here a little bit earlier. This is gonna happen…

Terrorist: Are you serious?

US Airways: …every single time.

Terrorist: Every time?

US Airways: How it happens with TSA if you have anything that you wanna say, you can try and do that. But it’s a list that you’re always gonna be on.

<Interlude>

Terrorist: Okay so, we’ve been here at this point over an hour. We’ve missed our flight. Police have been called, they’re right behind me. They’re here to make sure the situation is under control. I think they’re afraid of being caught on video here.

<Cut to US Airways woman trying to explain their shenanigans>

US Airways: And you’re booking, so they want us to change the name. And we can’t change the name so were on hold with the help desk to get the name changed.

Terrorist: Okay. Why did you call the police?

US Airways: My supervisor requested us to.

Terrorist: Did I raise an issue? Did I make a scene?

US Airways: They’re working on it… Okay, hopefully we get it resolved. I don’t know if there’s something you can do about it as far as with your passport and have your ticket changed.

Terrorist: My issue is no one has communicated anything to me, I’m never told what the issue is. This is the second time it has happened.

US Airways: Okay, so now you know what you have to do.

Terrorist: I think so. I hope so.

Cop: So you got this. You don’t need me here.

Terrorist: I don’t know why they called you.

Cop: Well that’s alright. They just do it as a precaution. You know, because sometimes people aren’t very reasonable. People are quick to sometimes…

Terrorist: Okay. Well, I don’t have a short fuse.

Cop: She looks tough.

Terrorist: Oh yeah, she’s the alpha.

Girlfriend: Watch out!

Terrorist: You’re gonna have to watch out.

Girlfriend: Be worried about me, not him.

<Two US Airways staff come out from back and tauntingly film us with their phones>

Terrorist: Hi.

Girlfriend: Why are you taking our picture?

Terrorist: <to girlfriend> Film this.

Girlfriend: <to US Airways> Excuse me? What was that? I’m sorry…

Terrorist: They know me.

Terrorist: Did you get all that?

Girlfriend: Yeah, I got all that.

Terrorist: <to camera> They came out with cameras. Trying to intimidate me because I caught them on video.

<Cut to US Airways guy>

Terrorist: It’s been two hours.

US Airways: I get that. But I’m not sure how much longer it’s going to be. But we will get it fixed. Alright? So why don’t you have a seat?

<Interlude>

Terrorist: So we’ve been here at this point for over two hours. At some point some big guy from the back came out and said we couldn’t stand at the counter anymore. We had to go sit against the wall and they’d come talk to us when they’re ready. So we’re here well, over two hours. There’s now three cops over there. And that’s where we’re at.

<Back at the counter….>

Girlfriend: No direct flights?

US Airways: …Phoenix. And you get into Washington at 9:59.

Girlfriend: Okay.

Terrorist: You had some of your employees filming us. Did you know about that?

US Airways: I was not aware of that, sir. I was in the back trying to get you cleared to travel.

Terrorist: And they were taunting me with their cell phone cameras coming out and filming us.

Girlfriend: Yeah, it’s just really unprofessional. Employees just coming out and filming us and laughing.

<Closing commentary>

Terrorist: Okay, has now been three hours. Three hours and fifteen minutes since we’ve showed up. We just got our boarding passes. We obviously missed our flight, so we got bumped onto a future flight. Now we’re getting in like I think four hours later than we otherwise would have. And no apologies, no compensation, they came out and filmed us, they called the police on us. The police were forced to wait for three hours. What they also described as not worth their time. It was a customer service issue, not a police issue. So that’s where we’re at.

That’s U.S. Airways, everybody.

<End>

-Jetsetting Terrorist

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