Delta Agent: “I’m Not Supposed To Tell You [Why You’re On The List]”

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Delta thinks its cute to tell me there is something they’re not supposed to tell me.

Linda was perhaps the only airline desk agent who barely confused me for both a human and a human who had given her company money I.e. almost nice.

“I’m really sorry this is taking so long…”

This was “Check-In Purgatory.” The often hours-long wait at the desk where calls are made, whispers exchanged between staff, wide-eyed looks shot between monitors, and virgin nerd airline clerks gasping over god-knows-what alarmist TSA alert is flashing on their computer.

In a rare episode of humanity, Delta agent Linda was actually communicating with me, and expressing (possibly feigned) remorse that I’d been there for 20 minutes as she was on the phone with (presumably) the Department of Homeland Security, getting the “all clear” to let me board.

Of course, this quickly devolved into her and a coworker typing notes to each other and exchanging head-tilting question-mark faces. Hey, never let the fact that the subject of your conversation is 16 inches north get in the way of a good pearl-clutching session between two excitable gatekeepers.

She looked up from the phone again

Linda: “To give you a boarding pass, I have to call so they can run a check.”

Me: “What check?”

Linda: “I’m not supposed to tell you.” *Giggle*

I’ll always hold bullies in much less contempt than the people who roll over for them.

And that is how history will record the airline’s relationship with the TSA: Sycophantic cowards who got nothing out of being TSA patsies except an imaginary pat on the head, staffing “cool” grandmas giggling their way towards making tyranny cute again.

Hey Delta: You can have your card back. Giggle.