How The Airlines And The TSA Snitch On Each Other

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The airlines hate the TSA. And the TSA has disdain for the airlines. And the only way you’d really see both sides is to be a jetsetting terrorist.

Here’s what I mean:

What the TSA says about The List

Every time I confront the TSA about my undue terrorist-status and their obnoxious security screening, they say the same thing:

“The airlines contact us and request that you be given extra screening. It’s not us, it’s them.”

You know what’s funny? I bet the airlines have no idea the TSA says this.

Now they do. I’ll step aside and let you two fight it out.

What the airlines say about The List

Then I go to the airport gate. Handing the airline agent my boarding pass is often its own form of obnoxious. I cover this at length elsewhere, but it amounts to a loud dying bird sound coming out of the machine the moment it scans, followed by tons of confusion as to what to do next.

I often play dumb and ask what the problem is, which usually elicits a statement like,

“It’s just something the TSA makes us do…”

Who is right?

The airlines obviously. Because there’s no way every airline took a look at my hilarious criminal record and my brand of teddy-bear-terrorism and say – “We’re worried about this guy.”

And if that was the case, there would be some airlines that didn’t. And I’ve flown them all. The only difference is how big the “SSSS” is on my boarding pass. But I’m always flagged.

And furthermore, if true, there would be one airline who would announce their non-participation, and get the business for all 14,000+ of us on The List.

Attention airlines: If you really do opt-in to this program, please recognize the purchasing power of falsely-labeled terrorists. We are a significant untapped target market.

If you want our business, you know what to do.