TSA Agent Tries To Make Up Rules, I Laugh At Him, He Runs Away

Oct 9, 2014 by

TSA Agent Tries To Make Up Rules, I Laugh At Him, He Runs Away

TSA agent tries to tell me I can’t board a flight. I laugh at him. He scurries off like a little bitch.

A consistent theme through these stories is the TSA having no idea what they’re doing and just making up rules to flex their muscles. The most pathetic example of this came early on in my jetsetting terrorism career, shortly after being added to The List.

I was flying out of SFO. It was the standard TSA experience, from security to the gate. It wasn’t until I was through the gate that it got good.

It was one of those gates where a large portion of the walk to the plane is outside, under a canopied walkway, and you board the plane from the tarmac. Right where the canopied portion of the walkway ended, a sole TSA agent was waiting.

“Mister Young, I need to see your ID.”

<Rolling my eyes, handing him my ID.>

“No,” he said. “Passport. I need your passport.”

“Domestic flight.” I said.

“I need your passport.”

“Domestic flight.” I said.

“I need a passport before I can let you board this plane.”

You know when someone is so objectively wrong and their request is so objectively baseless that you aren’t even inspired to dignify it with a response? It was one of those times.

I laughed at him. Then I folded my arms and stared.

Not speaking is among the most powerfully intimidating things you can do to a challenger.  You should try it. Bullies can’t stand it.

I was sort of intentionally blocking passage to the tarmac, and as a line of people formed behind me, pressure mounted on this bozo to make a move.

He handed me my ID back and scurried off. What a clown.

Hey TSA doofus: Now your feeble attempt at bullying has a worldwide audience. Wave to your mom.

-Jetsetting Terrorist

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  1. Love your site, and this is a great behavioral hack. I wrote a book recently about human behavioral hacks and I wanted to add that we often get so adrenalinized in a situation like this that it helps to pre-plan to use a technique like your silent stare against a bully.

    By the way, I blogged this hack on my site and I’ve stood up to the TSA thugs myself — to the point where one tried to sue me for $500,000. (Not enough to violate my 4th Amendment rights — thought she’d try to mow through my 1st Amendment rights, too.)

  2. Daisiemae

    I absolutely love your website and your creative ways of dealing with these lowlife criminals.

    I’ve often thought it would be fun for someone to sing the national anthem as they are being molested by these perverts.

  3. I traveled in May; on the first flight the TSA agent was trying to keep the line moving; he asked me if I had anything like toothpaste and deodorant in my carry on bag.

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